someone threw a dead crab at me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
