While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Congratulations! We have a period
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
