I think my fart just growled at me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
