You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
