The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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