After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
