Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
