There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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