sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
