apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
