Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
