sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
