It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
