He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
