and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
