People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
COCAINE IS GR8
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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