Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
