did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
