just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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