I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
