the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
