I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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