bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
