I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
