i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
