She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
