There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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