This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
