pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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