don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
