True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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