Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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