i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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