u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
