Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
