Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
