It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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