Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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