You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
