We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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