just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
