first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
