What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
