If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
