I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
