God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
