Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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