My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
