AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
