They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
