my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
